Narcissistic abuse syndrome is a term used to describe the psychological and emotional damage experienced by individuals subjected to manipulation or abuse by someone with narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). While an unofficial diagnosis, this term explains the long-lasting and seriously damaging impact this abuse can have on the victims mental health. Narcissistic abuse syndrome is also referred to as narcissistic victim syndrome. It’s important to note that while there is a strong correlation between narcissism and abuse, they are not always related. Individuals who are diagnosed as narcissistic are not always abusive. 

What Is Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome?

Narcissistic victim syndrome refers to the emotional and psychological strain that develops from being in a relationship with someone who shows narcissistic traits or behaviors. Common symptoms of narcissistic victim syndrome include feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, confusion, fear and avoidance behavior. Victims often struggle to trust their perceptions of reality due to tactics like gaslighting or constant criticism. Enduring such psychological manipulation can lead victims to long-term psychological distress such as isolation or loss-of-identity.

Identifying narcissistic abuse can be difficult as these behaviors develop subtly and gradually. However, there are behavioral patterns that narcissists and those with NPD often engage in. These behaviors often involve manipulation, control, and emotional harm. Below are 12 common narcissistic abuse tactics that may indicate someone has experienced this form of abuse:

1. Idealization Followed by Devaluation

In romantic relationships, narcissistic abuse begins with a “love bombing” phase where the abuser smothers their partner with affection, compliments, and gifts. Abusers act loving, generous, and kind. They display overwhelming amounts of affection to draw victims into relationships, where the goal is to have the victim fall “head over heels”. Once they have convinced their victims, they begin to replace affection with devaluation through criticism, backhanded compliments, or neglect. In familial relationships, narcissistic parents may use love and support conditionally, withdrawing it when their child disappoints or angers them.

2. Gaslighting

Narcissistic gaslighting is where the abuser will intentionally deny a sequence of events or distort facts, regardless of validity, to confuse the victim. Abusers will manipulate their victims to believe their recollection of events or fabrications, leading victims to question their sanity and perception of reality. Long lasting psychological effects of gaslighting can lead victims to terminally suffer from self-doubt and confusion. 

3. Isolation

Victims of narcissistic abuse often find themselves isolated from friends and family. The abuser may distance their victims from their support network, making their victims vulnerable to further psychological manipulation. Without a network, victims become silent and unable to speak to anyone to help dealing with the feelings of neglect and psychological abuse. 

In this state, victims are susceptible to abusers’ “hoovering” tactic, where abusers take advantage of their lack of emotional support to reel them back into the cycle of abuse. “Hoovering” is also used when victims decide to get out of the relationship. Narcissists will attempt to draw the victims back by any means necessary. They will often throw a tantrum if they fail to convince their victims, cutting off contact or discarding their contact. 

4. Smear Campaigns

9. Difficulty Setting Boundaries

Individuals experiencing narcissistic victim syndrome often struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries. Abusers often disregard boundaries entirely or punish victims for attempting to enforce them. Narcissistic abuse and manipulation diminish a victim’s ability to push back against their aggressors, making them more likely to succumb to pressure and prioritize others’ needs over their own. This dynamic can leave victims feeling powerless and unable to assert themselves in future relationships.