Funerals are deeply emotional occasions marked by grief, reflection, and remembrance. In such moments, our words carry immense weight. Even well-intended phrases can come across as dismissive, hurtful, or inconsiderate to those in mourning.

When offering condolences—whether to a friend, family member, or coworker—it’s important to speak with empathy, sincerity, and caution.

Here are four common phrases to avoid at funerals, and what you can say instead:

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1. “They’re in a better place now.”

This phrase is often meant to provide comfort, especially from a spiritual perspective. However, to someone grieving, it may feel like you're minimizing their pain or rushing them to feel better. It implies that they shouldn’t be as heartbroken because their loved one is “better off,” which can unintentionally dismiss the reality of their loss.

What to say instead:
“I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m here if you need anything.”
Simple, heartfelt words of support are often the most meaningful.

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2. “At least they lived a long life.”

Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. Whether someone passed at 30 or 90, the pain of loss is real and valid. Saying this may unintentionally suggest that the mourner should feel less sadness because of the deceased’s age, which can feel insensitive or even guilt-inducing.

What to say instead:
“They touched so many lives. I know they meant a lot to you.”
Acknowledge their impact and the depth of the mourner’s relationship without placing limits on their grief.

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3. “I know exactly how you feel.”

Even if you’ve experienced a similar loss, grief is deeply personal. No two people feel it the same way. Saying you “know exactly” how someone feels can shift the focus away from them and onto you. It may come across as presumptive or dismissive.

What to say instead:
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.”
This shows empathy and support without making assumptions about their experience.

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4. “Everything happens for a reason.”

While this phrase might stem from a place of faith or belief, it can feel cold and philosophical in the face of raw emotion. Trying to assign meaning to someone’s death too soon can sound detached or even offensive to someone still in shock and sorrow.

What to say instead:
“This must be incredibly hard. I’m so sorry.”
Acknowledging their pain without offering explanations shows compassion and respect.

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Final Thoughts

At a funeral—or any time you’re offering condolences—your words don’t need to be poetic. They simply need to be genuine and thoughtful. Sometimes, just being present, offering a hug, or listening in silence can speak volumes. In moments of loss, kindness and quiet presence are often more comforting than any carefully chosen phrase.